This Post Might Offend Good People

When I was a kid, I had a friend, we'll call him Baby Huey, who turned out to be gay. Baby Huey told his teacher that a big black bird swooped down and took his homework on the way to school. The whole school was talking about it, so I decided to ask him if he really said it. It was the stupidest thing that I had ever heard. It was so stupid, in fact, that it was brilliant. We started laughing about it, and didn't stop laughing for an hour. That was the beginning of one very silly friendship.
One day while we were investigating the grounds of a local church, we discovered that the back door was unlocked. Naturally, we immediately went inside, because we were innocent. Neither one of us had ever been "backstage" before. We got to see the kitchen where the priest and nuns had their snacks. Their lounge. It was all pretty drab. Then we went into the main part of the church. There was a little cart with little cups of wine on it. There were also little crackers. Baby Huey knew more about this stuff than me. He said it was part of a ritual where they drink the blood of Christ and eat his body. "Wow" I thought. "Not so drab after all".
It was somewhere after our 5th little cup of wine that the priest walked in. We didn't notice him at first. Baby Huey made a run for it. I was left alone. Thankful for all of the episodes of The FBI that I had watched, I proceeded to give false information. Then the priest let me go, and said that he would be around to talk to my parents. I felt a twinge of remorse. I felt worse for the kids whose parents were going to get a visit.
Later on, I met up with my ever brilliant partner in crime, and he told me that he had been waiting outside of the church, wondering what had happened to me. Because he did not think to hide, the priest saw him after I left, and so he was caught. He DID NOT watch The FBI evidently. He gave our real names.

I was grounded for a month. Baby Huey's parents threatened him with military school. We laughed our heads off about it for years.