Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit. ~Kin Hubbard
We can in fact only define a weed, mutatis mutandis, in terms of the well-known definition of dirt - as matter out of place. What we call a weed is in fact merely a plant growing where we do not want it. ~E.J. Salisbury, The Living Garden, 1935
What is absurd and monstrous about war is that men who have no personal quarrel should be trained to murder one another in cold blood. ~Aldous Huxley
No dog can go as fast as the money you bet on him. ~Bud Flanagan
Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the eight-color boxes, but what you're really looking for are the 64-color boxes with the sharpeners on the back. I fancy myself to be a 64-color box, though I've got a few missing. It's okay though, because I've got some more vibrant colors like periwinkle at my disposal. I have a bit of a problem though in that I can only meet the eight-color boxes. Does anyone else have that problem? I mean, there are so many different colors of life, of feeling, of articulation, so when I meet someone who's an eight-color type I'm like, "hey girl, magenta!" and she's like, "oh, you mean purple!" and she goes off on her purple thing, and I'm like, "no - I want magenta!" ~John Mayer
The only reason a great many American families don't own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments. ~Mad Magazine
It is easy to get a thousand prescriptions but hard to get one single remedy. ~Chinese Proverb
Fox-terriers are born with about four times as much original sin in them as other dogs. ~Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men in a Boat
But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God. ~Matthew 4:4
Yes, risk taking is inherently failure-prone. Otherwise, it would be called sure-thing-taking. ~Tim McMahon
It is easy to understand God as long as you don't try to explain him. ~Joseph Joubert
The darkness of the whole world cannot swallow the glowing of a candle. ~Robert Altinger The daughter who won't lift a finger in the house is the same child who cycles madly off in the pouring rain to spend all morning mucking out a stable. ~Samantha Armstrong
No one knows what they'll do in a moment of crisis and hypothetical questions get hypothetical answers. ~Joan Baez, "What Would You Do If....?"
Injury, when it is slight, upsets me; when it is strong it calms me. ~Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin
We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. ~Aesop
If you want total security, go to prison. There you're fed, clothed, given medical care and so on. The only thing lacking... is freedom. ~Dwight D. Eisenhower
If four or five guys tell you that you're drunk, even though you know you haven't had a thing to drink, the least you can do is to lie down a little while. ~Joseph Schenck
It takes all the running you can do just to keep in the same place. ~Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking-Glass, 1872
If civilization has risen from the Stone Age, it can rise again from the Wastepaper Age. ~Jacques Barzun, The House of Intellect, 1959
What about football? Is it a sport or a concussion? ~Jim Murray, Los Angeles Times
The artist gazes upon a reality and creates his own impression. The viewer gazes upon the impression and creates his own reality. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com
One way to prevent conversation from being boring is to say the wrong thing. ~Frank Sheed
All I pay my psychiatrist is the cost of feed and hay, and he'll listen to me any day. ~Author Unknown
Jealousy... is a mental cancer. ~B.C. Forbes
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